calciumwaves:

IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT AND THERE WAS A KNOCK AT MY DOOR SO I CAUTIOUSLY OPENED THE DOOR THEN TWO DRUNKEN GUYS SHOUTED “SURPRISE” THEN LOOKED AT ME FOR A MOMENT AND WENT “FUCK WE’RE AT THE WRONG HOUSE” AND RAN AWAY DOWN THE STREET OH MY GOD

carry-on-my-wayward-butt:

charlesdutton:

my mom’s boyfriend is this 6’2 super buff macho dude with many facial piercings who enjoys death metal and i just came downstairs and found him crying because they had to put down a dog on animal cops

i like him

keep him

stylintoms:

curlsnass:

inhalinglarry:

so my mom borrowed my laptop

and when she gave it back, this was her search history

HAHAHAHA

Oh my God hahahahahahahahaha